Not a gas for this reviewer - Someone Farted by Bruce Eric Kaplan
No. - Motherhood by Sheila Heti
There are shades of grey, sure, but I don’t think this is one of them - A Hostile Operations Team Box Set Volume 1 by Lynn Raye Harris
I hope Brian got an A on his high school history paper - Thomas Jefferson and the Tripoli Pirates: The Forgotten War That Changed American History by Brian Kilmeade & Don Yaeger
A discovery of the world’s most boring witch - A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness
I Feel Very Alone in My Opinion - The Silent Wife by A. S. A. Harrison
Can Somebody Please Scratch My Back? - Can Somebody Please Scratch My Back? by Jory John
Dad One and Dad Two - Pet Dad by Elanna Allen
Just don’t get it. - Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire
Fox & Chick: The Party: and Other Stories - Fox & Chick: The Party: and Other Stories by Sergio Ruzzier
Do we really like brooding Marines? Really? - Rebel by R. R. Banks
Druids are cool y’all - An Acceptable Time (Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quintet) by Madeleine L'Engle
I hated, hated, hated this book - Too much money by Dominick Dunne
Nasty, Brutish, and Short - The Last Kind Words Saloon by Larry McMurtry
Ozzy the Ostrich - Ozzy the Ostrich by Jose Carlos Andres
As close as I get to DNF and maybe first 1 star review - Hothouse: The Art of Survival and the Survival of Art at America's Most Celebrated Publishing House by Boris Kachka
If you figure out the secret before the reveal, is it still a secret? - The Secret Mother by Shalini Boland
Hard, HARD pass - The Unleasing by Shelly Laurenston
I wanted to like it … - Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor
Remove head from sphincter, then write. - Forest Dark by Nicole Krauss
Callum Hunt and the Diminishing Returns - The Copper Gauntlet, The Bronze Key, The Silver Mask by Holly Black and Casandra Clare
Beam me up, Scotty; there’s no intelligent life here - Warp by Lev Grossman
In Which I Give Up on Penny Reid - Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid
No fever here, just a low grade fizzle - Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning
A wheel-spinning waste of time - The Widow by Fiona Barton
I think I have been bamboozled by this series - The Unyielding (Call of Crows #3) by Shelly Laurenston
This was a book but it wasn’t a story. - Crossroads of Twilight (Wheel of Time, #10) by Robert Jordan
Rather bored, more like. - Rotherweird by Andrew Caldecott
50 Shades of Grey is to Twilight as Kill the Boyband is to One Direction FanFic - Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky
Starring a super special heroine who sucks - Tithe by Holly Black
I’m pretty sure this novel was written by an AI - In Another Country, and Besides by Maxwell Jacobs
Hard pass - The Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee
Just Let Annie Have Him - Misery by Stephen King
this shirty forking book, I swear, it made me so mad - Caraval (Caraval #1) by Stephanie Garber
This was just bad - Private Vegas by James Patterson
I’m pretty sure I hate this book - Don't You Cry by Mary Kubica
Mind numbingly tedious - Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor by R.D. Blackmore
We need to talk about Haruki - 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
A strange re-telling of Snow White - Poison by Sarah Pinborough
I would like to drown everyone in this book in a vat of eggnog. (Featuring bonus gifs to make me feel better.) - Pride and Prejudice and Mistletow by Melissa De La Cruz
This blonde definitely did not prefer this book. - Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos
Mama’s real upset now. - milk and honey by rupi kaur
I really wish they had just *stayed* in Tuscany for the whole month… - That Month in Tuscany by Inglath Cooper
THIS BOOK IS STUPID - Grey by E.L. James
Talk about smashing in the skull of the hand that feeds you. - The Rushing of the Brook by Kansas Bradbury
The things I do for my friends… - Darker by E. L. James
Garbage people behave like garbage - The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas
The spinster, the rake and the chicken marsala - Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie
Needs more sandworms - Under Pressure by Frank Herbert
No. - Angel Catbird. by Margaret Atwood, Johnnie Christmas, Tamra Bonvillain