One thing leads to a-nuuuuuuuu-ther.  This second book takes place several decades after the first one.  Allanon seeks an Ohmsford for a quest.  Seemingly simple enough.  But like when you give a mouse a cookie, he wants a glass of milk.  When you tell Wil Ohmsford he just has just one quest, it becomes seventeen quests.  At least the epic battle in this one is pretty badass.

I’ll be perfectly honest.  I don’t remember shit about what happened in this book.   Probably he porked whatever female character entered the fray, and then three more who still rotate through his stable, on his Sealy Posturepedic, then they drank Knob Creek and ate Dover Sole at one of the three restaurants he goes to.  He flew his airplane to New England or California or Europe.  Had more sex and wine.  And then someone went to jail.  I hope he gets a goddamn STD.

When first I came upon this book on the myriad Must-Read and Most Anticipated Release lists, I read the blurb and kind of scoffed and moved on.  Then a bunch of you glorious Cannonballin’ bastards were like SOOOO GOOD WANT TO TOUCH THE HEINY and I said, FINE GODDAMMIT FINE.  Glad I did.  A symphony vagabonding around post-apocalyptic Midwest performing Shakespeare for foodstuffs?  Ho-lee-hell.

One does not simply leap in to at Dan Simmons novel.  You slowly immerse yourself until you are treading water and trying not to drown.  This one’s more in line with Drood, which I liked except when I didn’t.  Henry James and Sherlock Holmes team up to stop Irene Adler’s bastard son from assassinating Grover Cleveland at the Chicago’s World Fair.  If you’re as excited as I am by reading that, jump on this shit.  But this convoluted plot gets bogged down with existentialism and constantly […]

I guess I just don’t like fantasy books by guys named Terry.  Or guys named Terry.  Except Terry Crews.  He’s the bestest. This is a direct descendant of Tolkien, I mean, so much so that it reads like The Hobbit.  But this bridged us to the Eddings, Jordan, Dragonlance, McCaffrey lineage, which gave us the later greats.  So it’s sort of eat your vegetables.  I’m at least giving it the trilogy to test it.  And it’s not bad.  But it’s been so well-trod it’s like […]

Dunne hits the ground running with her sequel, flinging Gail into supervillain prison.  It’s Orange is the New Black meets Every Goddamn Martial Arts Movie ever as she gets trained by the foremost supervillain of all time, which takes the form of her getting the shit kicked out of her before being flung literally out of prison.  From there, the book goes through so many secrets and double agents its ridiculous.  And Dunne’s not helping herself by replacing the Twilightesque mooning of the two lovers […]