Best for:
Fans of honest memoirs; those interested in learning more about the lives of child stars.
In a nutshell:
Dancer, actor, singer, songwriter, podcaster Stoner shares the first 25 years or so of their story.
Worth quoting:
“All I have to do is be perfect at everything and look perfect while doing it.”
Why I chose it:
It just sounded interesting, and memoirs are kinda my jam.
Review:
The book itself has myriad content notes, including rape, eating disorders, religious bigotry, and others. Stoner shares them up front, so you can check out the first pages to see if maybe you want to skip this one.
I am a bit too old to be fully familiar with Stoner’s catalog of achievements. Like many people, I know them from their turn as the young dancer in Missy Elliott’s ‘Work It’ music video. But they apparently were a Disney channel star, voicing many roles, and co-staring in films like Camp Rock, Cheaper by the Dozen, and the Step Up films.
Stoner is non-binary and queer, using they/them pronouns, but the book, while addressing their sexuality, doesn’t really talk at all about their gender identity. I saw that this was referenced in an article about the book, and Stoner said there was just so much to fit into this memoir that adding in their gender journey was just too much to include. So perhaps that’ll be coming soon. And if they do write that book, I’ll read it.
Stoner’s life as a child start began at age 6 and never really stopped. Their mother took the family from Ohio to California, where Stoner was separated from their father, and instead lived with their step-father, who eventually was physically and emotionally abusive. They also had to navigate, all as a child, the brutal world of the entertainment industry. They were aware at a very early age of how many people relied on them for their livelihoods, which is such a burden to put on a child.
They discuss the challenges of never quite being a ‘star’ but still being a steadily working artist, and the pressures of having to be ‘on’ all the time, referring often to their inner publicist. They talk about their Christian faith, and their experience of losing friends in that faith when they came out as queer. For someone who felt the need to mask their true identity for their entire childhood, Stoner clearly has learned about their true self, and is so honest and eloquent in telling their story.
At one point we learn that their mother and business team has essentially taken all of their money, with their mother paying herself a salary she no longer needs. They maturity Stoner shows throughout these trials is impressive for someone twice their age. The title is clever but also very true – Stoner comes across as someone who has done a lot of work to figure out who they are, what they want, and what their values are, and they are trying to live that life. Including advocating for much better conditions for current child actors, musicians, and social media stars, which is amazing.