The difference between a villain and a hero is that a villain gets found out as a human being.
Rae is 23 and dying of leukemia, with nothing to keep her company in the hospital but her 20 year old sister Alice and their favorite series: Time of Iron. It may have started out as just Alice’s, but once Rae heard of the Once and Forever Emperor, Master of the Dread Ravine, Commander of the Living and the Dead;
he’s the villain, he’s broody, he stops at nothing to achieve his goals and get his woman…he’s perfect. Only problem is, Rae probably isn’t going to live long enough to find out what happens to him in the final book of the series. Not until a mysterious stranger (you know Fantasy novels always have one of those) arrives with an unbelievable yet tempting offer: if Rae goes into the world of Eyam, the world of the book, and picks the Flower of Life and Death, her cancer will be cured. (No mention if everyone is going to forget she ever had it, or if there’s going to be a “miraculous” recovery; I guess that part doesn’t matter). When Rae agrees, she awakes to find herself literally in Eyam, which is the good news. The bad? She’s in the very busty (if you forget that, don’t worry. It will only be brought up 340 other times) body of the heroine’s evil stepsister Rahela, the Beauty Dipped in Blood. (Can we all start getting dramatic nicknames in real life?) And Rahela is set to be executed in the morning. Can Rae figure out a way to save her neck, assemble a crack team of equally evil and murderous minions, and survive long enough to pluck the flower when it blooms? Of course, seeing as she’s never actually read the particular book in the series she’s landed in, that might be a little tougher than expected. But when the going gets tough, the evil adjust their huge tracks of land and start evil-plotting.
I’ve heard of the saying “never meet your heroes”; this book almost had me coining a riff on that of “never read any book your favorite authors do positive blurbs of”. Though I suppose in the end I somewhat like this book. I think it speaks volumes that I got 39 pages in, and then didn’t pick it up again for three weeks. When you’re less than a hundred pages into a book and you’re thinking of putting it in the “DNF pile”, things are bad. To be honest, I only picked it up again because I never quit books, there’s a new Seanan McGuire book coming out on Tuesday, I have to read it the day it’s released, and I don’t juggle multiple books. Seriously, the first 39 pages could be summed up in two GIFs; first
then
And then unfortunately, it’s rinse and repeat for a large part of the remaining book. I was hoping for a little bit of Aurelio Voltaire’s When You’re Evil mixed with Scissor Sisters’ I Can’t Decide thrown in, but alas, it never hit those lofty heights.
And I know, I know: this book is a send-up of traditional fantasy novels, and it;’s mildly satiric, and a bit meta; it just got a little old after awhile. Sometimes I feel like Rae didn’t actually have any real character development past “busty, selfish villain” until maybe the last 50 pages; she was a little one-note. Maxim Gorky was not thinking of her when he said “A good man can be stupid and still be good. But a bad man must have brains.” Emer, meanwhile, was one step away from serving-class Enjolras with an axe (and now I have “Angel with a Shotgun” as an ear-worm). Key was one of my favorite amoral murder cinnamon rolls (him I actually liked). The Golden Cobra was a bisexual take on “Be Gay, Do Crimes”/The Scarlet Pimpernel/noveau riche Occupy Wall Street, and Marius/The Last Hope was “if Javert and Spider-Man: Homecoming’s PSA Captain America had a baby with a tortured backstory, it would be him”. I actually also wanted more of Vasilisa, but then again it’s not her story. So this story did have it’s pluses, but at times they were outnumbered by the negatives.
It’s frustrating how many clues Rae missed about who the Emperor actually was because “she knew”; gurl, you have never read the first book, so how do you “know”? If you can’t read it, there’s this magical thing called Audible; I don’t love audiobooks either, but they are an option. Because you can’t say you definitely know how a story goes when you don’t remember how it began. But then again, let it never be said that arrogance and an inability to admit she’s wrong/doesn’t know everything isn’t Rae’s problem. I am sorry Karine, Vasilisa’s guard died; she had all the makings of being a really enjoyable character. And Eric/The Golden Cobra? For someone who lectures Rae about not treating the characters as real people, you sure do act like Lia and Marius are your own personal Barbie and Ken with “the balcony scene”; nice way to hypocritically eat your cake and have it too. Lia’s true personality, why she keeps falling into people’s arms (a new and refreshing take on the trope!) and the nature of her relationship with Emer were pleasant surprises, as was Hortensia and Horatia being more than snobby “it” girls. I wanted Octavian dead from practically his first appearance; spoiled little whiny bitch of a man-child that he was.
I will say that of course Rae became Rahela; Rae and Alice are just Rahela and Lia cut from the same bolt of cloth, just a different universe. To be honest, between Rae’s friends, her ex-boyfriend, and her parents (nice decision about Grandma’s necklace, Mom), I might have just seen if there was a way to pull Alice into Eyam and stayed.
In the end though, it was entertaining enough that I’ll probably pick up the sequel when it’s released, though if it’s more than a duology I may take it one book at a time.
Only heroes cared about honour. Villains were allowed to be practical.
Key shrugged. “If you ask me, she’s too good for him.
“He’s the supreme monarch of our land, and she’s a treacherous witch whose sins scream to the sky for the gods to strike her down.”
Key nodded approval. “I do like her.
Perishing for love of Lia was one of the major causes of death in Eyam, up there with being eaten by monsters, torn apart by ghouls, and plague.
Is my mother right?” Rahela murmured. “Are men useless? They don’t take out the trash, they don’t rescue the damsels. The only thing a villainess should do at a party is make catty remarks and spill red wine on the heroine’s dress! I never get a moment’s peace to make catty remarks.
This man was so vain, he probably thought the troubadours’ songs were about him.