Black Dagger Brotherhood Watch: S1E1
Katie: Patty, shall we revert to our Khatie and Phatty names since JR Ward insists on inserting unnecessary Hs into names?
Phatty: Absolutely.
Khatie: I thought you’d feel that way.
Phatty: Wait, was there an intro? Did I miss or skip the intro?
Khatie: on the show or to this conversation about the Black Dagger Brotherhood series created by Passionflix based on the series by JR Ward? That was an enormous mouthful.
Phatty: Girl, to the show. We’ve been talking about this magical moment for WEEKS.
Khatie: Shhh. I’m pressing play now…
Phatty: I’ll give them this (and probably ONLY this): they stuck to the source material. Except that Wrath didn’t wear such a god-awful wig. But my god the dialogue is word-for-word.
Khatie: WAIT. Holy motherforking SHIRTBALLS! Is that Ted McGinley?
Phatty: HOLY GODTOPUS I THINK SO!
Khatie: checking IMDb now…
Phatty: While you do that – what Temu version of a Goth Club are they in? Also, Beth isn’t, I mean, she looks, I mean, nevermind. I am not being kind right now.
Khatie: Not Ted, but he definitely gives that vibe, in a used up anchorman kind of way. Also, this is a reflection on casting choices, not the actress herself, but this Beth is too old.
Phatty: Isn’t he in Shrinking? I mean, that would have been a hell of a step down. And thank you for making me feel better about the rude-ass comment fermenting in my brain. KATIE! KATIE! LESSER SIGHTING!!!
Khatie: Did they somehow add baby powder scent to my TV? I swear I can smell it.
Phatty: No, but his hair has CLEARLY been doused in it. Aaaaand there is the intro. Not bad, kinda vibey. Also, Mr. Phatty just walked in and I had to tell him that I subscribed to PassionFlix under his account, got some pretty major side-eye, prompting me to defend myself and swear that I don’t sit around watching porn all day.
Khatie: that’s okay – you can blame it on me since I’m imaginary anyway. I feel the need to borrow a comment from Typhoon on Parks&Rec: this club is filled with Euro trash.
Phatty: Worse, it’s Florida wanna-be Euro trash from a second-rate mall. Oh, noes, not Cherry Pie the hooker. I forgot about her… Oh holybadBostonacceent, Butch.
NOTE: At this point Khatie and Phatty agreed to stop typing while they watched because it was getting out of sync and control, but don’t you worry! They watched to the very end in a haze of wonder. A haze of wonder at how it could be so faithful to the source material and still be totally confusing unless you’ve read the books.
Phatty NOTE: I had also begun imbibing and since I’m working off of a new laptop, accurate keying became a problem. THAT IS THE PROBLEM, NOT MY DRINKING.
Phatty: There is no way anyone who didn’t read the books is going to be able to make sense of this. They need a voice-over, I’m afraid. Lazy narrating tool, yes, but this is going to be kind of disjointed and wtf to any BDB virgins. Wrath had a whole lotta inner monologue in the books and without it, he’s just a Shein Terminator.
Khatie: I’m going to borrow a comment from my friend, K.G., “I’d rather explain the lore of Dune than try and explain the Scribe Virgin.” Considering the fact that the lore of Dune consists of desert planets with giant sandworms that leave equally giant trails of hallucinogenic powder, that should give you an idea of the corner that Ward wrote herself into.
Phatty: Oh, you know I am going to SCREAM when they introduce the Scribe Virgin. That whole subplot is going to be bananas to try and translate to the screen. They should offer to send viewers some NyQuil-laced crystal meth to make sense of that one.
Khatie: as book readers know, there is a scene where Beth is assaulted in an alley. That scene and Beth’s reactions to what happens in the aftermath are surprisingly well done. So well done that I’m going to insert a trigger warning here for sexual assault.
Phatty: 10000%. And I’m coming around on their casting of Beth because girlie did an excellent job of portraying the post-assault, everything is not OK but I have to get on with it or I will break in two vibe. And damn, the ass on that girl! As someone who it gluteally-challenged, I am full of envy and admiration.
Khatie: real talk for a minute. Setting aside Wrath’s horrific wig and the McMansion they used instead of what was supposed to be Biltmore-esque, I didn’t hate it? I’m surprised. I thought it was going to be TURRIBLE from the trailers, but I think Passionflix has created a late 90s USA Network level show. (Anyone else remember Silk Stalkings?)
Phatty: I LOVED THAT SHOW! And yeah, it’s not terrible. Like, for a few minutes I actually forgot what I was watching and got into it. Like, THAT’S RIGHT BILLY RIDDLE YOU RAPIST FUCK, HOW YOU LIKE THE TASTE OF FLOOR?
Khatie: It could use some expository voiceover (not something I ever thought I’d say after Outlander) or conversations with secondary characters that don’t exist in the book to explain some of the lore and/or world building that you get in the books. If you’re not a book reader, I think you’ll be kinda lost.
Phatty: Especially Wrath’s whole inner monologue. Because this dude is coming off like a reanimated Hot Topic mannequin, and the fact that he wears sunglasses isn’t helping with any emoting. Boyfriend should have subtitles explaining the ANGST. BUT, it’s entirely possible that they are deliberately catering to the readers. God knows there are enough of them. If even half subscribed to PassionFlix, I think Bagel Fridays will be a thing again at that channel’s workplace.
Khatie: oh, dear. Here’s Butch, who is supposed to be a transplant to Caldwell from South Boston. The actor gives it his best shot, but no. Just no.
Phatty: #bless. Or, #bhless, I guess. One of the worst accents to try to imitate. It ain’t Maybelline: you gotta be born with it.
Khatie: circling back to my earlier comment about Biltmore-that-isn’t, the rest of the sets are exactly what I pictured from the book. Keep in mind, I’ve never been to Buffalo, NY, but that is always what I imagined Caldwell to be, and this town they filmed in is exactly what I expected Buffalo to be. Also, Beth’s apartment is exactly what I pictured it to be. EXACTLY.
Patty: EXACTLY. Her apartment, the futon, the sliding door, the kitchen. And the strip mall dojo is *chef’s kiss*.
Khatie: Oh, and Wrath. They Gallowglassed that poor man. How in the world did they take someone that attractive and come up with that? Although JR Ward seemed pleased. (For those of you that have not watched Outlander or Discovery of Witches, Outlander managed to take a VERY attractive character named Gallowglass in DoW and make him whatever the opposite is.)
Khatie: here is a picture of Wrath from the BDB show and the actor who plays him.
Phatty: Reverse Gallowglass. Some people glow-up, he dimmed down.
Khatie: Phatty, how did this wind up being a semi-serious conversation about this damn show? It’s just decent enough that I can’t be a total bitch and snark over it.
Phatty: I know. I am disappointed in us. I need to watch something with my TV boyfriend to set my brain straight. But it’s not bad – I mean, it’s watchable. Editing is good, pace is good. I hope they continue using Beth talking to her cat to explain shit they can’t show; that bit makes sense because everyone talks to their pets and it’s a good way to infodump. Some stuff is just painfully hokey, but I think that’s a product of seeing vs reading and picturing it. Case in point, when they dematerialize. Like, yeah, that’s what it would look like but it looks SO DUMB. And don’t get me started on the Halloween costume knives strapped to their chests. Party City called, they need their styrofoam props back. Oh, and I’m not loving the casting for Vishous. Vicious? Vischoise? Anyway, he was my favorite in the books and I am not feeling it with this guy. 😭😭😭😭😭
Khatie: I always pictured younger Rodrigo Santoro as Vishous, but you know, all pierced up like from 300…
Khatie: Y’all, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for coming along on this journey with us. Much to our surprise, we plan on continuing. Wut. I know. You could’ve knocked us over with a feather too when we realized.