The decennial Bloodsuckers in Business conference was held, unsurprisingly, once per decade at Dreadmourne Castle. A fortress built approximately half a bajillion years ago, and so gothic and cliched, it was borderline offensive to my brethren.
― Jemma Croft, By the Pint“Didn’t quite go as you expected?” I needled. I didn’t need to read his thoughts to understand what he was trying to achieve. “Thought you’d go all,”—I held my hands up like paws and hissed—“scary vampire dude on me. Show me what kind of monster you really are deep down. You’ve seen inside my mind. You know my fantasies. Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
― Jemma Croft, By the Pint
CBR16 Bingo: And Also
Dima is a six hundred-year-old vampire whose ideal Friday night is hanging out with his roommates, relaxing, and idly working on his current quilting project. He’s done it all. He’s seen it all. He built a successful business and has more money than he’ll ever know what to do with. Very little gets him excited. Therefore, he tells himself he’s perfectly happy with his cohort of friends and his routines.
But sometimes, he realizes that he’s helplessly, crushingly lonely.
For the lack of something better to do, Dima accepts the invitation to be the keynote speaker at the Bloodsuckers in Business conference. He’s there to bestow upon the attendees (vampires and their human familiars) tips and inspiration on how he became such a successful businessvamp as the founder of Blooze. In this universe, vampires get their blood from the supermarket and not the traditional way as killing is, well…killing.
For anyone who watches “What We Do in the Shadows,” Blooze is the alcoholic equivalent to Drug Blood.
In this universe, humans can only be turned into vampires if they get a sponsor, pay a massive fee, and are admitted to a facility for several years to undergo the change and reacclimate to society. They also have zero recollection of who they were when they were human. Also, if a vampire kills a human or changes them, even accidentally, the vampire is jailed or put to death.
Dima is at the conference for the hell of it and does not expect it to be anything other than boring. However, when an unaccompanied familiar, Casey, wanders toward Dima’s booth, Dima perks up. Casey is a telepath. Like Dima, he can read other people’s thoughts. Unlike Dima, Casey cannot shield his own thoughts. In a matter of minutes, Dima knows exactly how enamoured Casey is of Dima. He also knows that Casey was sent there by his master to seduce Dima and get all of his business secrets. Once Casey fulfills this task, his master will finally change him.
Dima is attracted to Casey, but knows that hooking up with him is a very bad idea.
For one, Casey is human. As a rule, Dima doesn’t hook up with humans as there are too many complications. Two, Dima doesn’t do casual.
When Dima invites Casey to the afterparty (a blood soaked vampire & familiar orgy) Casey shows up. One thing leads to another and Dima and Casey sneak off to hook up.
A few days later, Dima tells Casey that he will give him his secrets, but that Casey must join him for a month of telepath “boot camp” so Dima can teach him how to shield his mind so other telepathic vampires don’t take advantage of him.
This is a very cute story. I love the idea that Dima is basically a vegetarian vampire who loves to quilt and hang out with his besties. Casey is sort of a weird character. He is a hot ex-athlete with anger and control issues. He admires Dima and is hot for him, but he does not come across as sympathetic.
My main gripe is that this book went on for too long. We spent way too much time learning about what happens when a human changes into a vampire. I suppose it was to show angst and longing, but it ground the action to a halt. I wanted more scenes with Dima quilting and was disappointed there wasn’t more domestic cuteness.
This is the third book in the Fantasy Flatmates series. I enjoyed the worldbuilding and charming vibe and I’m interested to learn more about Dima’s Fae and Minotaur roommates in books one and two.
For this year’s CBR16 Book Bingo Reading Challenge I’m choosing albums from the 1970s that helped raise me. For the And Also..square, I chose Cult. Becoming a vampire is like joining a cult. As Dima and Casey are both telepaths, I picked “Radar Love” from Golden Earring’s 1972 album “Moontan.”
