mood music: Shake It Out – florence and the machine
A strikingly sharp, tragicomedy-style memoir about grappling with lifelong mental illness, Bamford delivers a powerful life story through her unique lens. I am unfamiliar with her standup, but did watch a few episodes of Lady Dynamite, so I was familiar with some parts of her comedic work. But this was something that I went into mostly blind, my expectations fairly neutral although several podcasts I listen to recommended the memoir as a must-read.
I have to say, I found it deeply moving, honest, personal, raw, and all the adjectives you can think of. Bamford does not glamorize mental illness in the slightest. She takes you to the darkest places it can go, but delivers it with a smile in jest, as if to say “Can you believe what I’m telling you right now?” Painfully transparent, she discusses in depth her battles with OCD and Bipolar II Disorder, in addition to a longstanding ED that may or may not have been influenced by her mother, who meant well but was a product of her time. She also details her 3 stays in mental hospitals, 1 of which was a hold placed on her against her will by a provider who didn’t understand Harm OCD. Even when she seemingly reached peak success, her own Netflix show, she was still struggling deeply to get through each day before the show was unceremoniously canceled after 2 seasons.
Each chapter of the memoir discusses a different stage in Bamford’s life. The passages that stuck out most to me included her sharing how she was navigating life seemingly unable to do anything except standup comedy, while growing up with an older sister who was talented at everything she did and parents who were very clearly perfectionists with their own trauma. These portions were very compelling to me, as someone who struggles with OCD herself, I was able to relate to how family dynamics can contribute to the rituals and compulsions that develop to cope with stress.
I highly recommend this memoir, with the disclaimer that Bamford does touch upon very serious topics, including suicide and self-harm. I appreciate her for sharing her story, and for shedding some light on the truth of how terrible mental illness can be, even when you are trying to deal with it the best you can. You never know what someone is dealing with on a day to day basis.