I would have written myself into his skin if only I could, like a prisoner marking the walls of his cell, just to prove I was still alive and that I did not drift, untouching and untouched, through a universe of empty spaces and fading stars.

Nobody puts me into someone else’s head quite the way Alexis Hall does. Sometimes that’s a problem for me, like when I had to bail on Rosalind Palmer because the narcissist relationship was too visceral for me. In Glitterland, being in Ash’s head meant I was still having that visceral experience and I could see the lights of the oncoming disaster train, but I also could see how he was going to move through and repair the damage he does. It engaged my compassion without triggering my fight or flight response.

Ash is still figuring out how to live after a psychotic episode, a hospitalization, and an attempt to no longer exist. After a well received book of literary fiction, he is making a living writing mysteries, which embarrasses him. His stability is fragile, and he has an antagonistic relationship with the friend/former lover who has been his caretaker. He is steeped in self-loathing.

He meets Darian at a dance club in Brighton while he’s at a bachelor party for a friend. Ash describes Darian as a glitter pirate when he first sees him – he’s flashy, colorful, and joyful. His style and accent mark him as lower in class and education. Ash is desperately attracted to Darian, but loathes himself for it and fears harming Darian. Ash’s volatile mix of emotions swirl through the book. As he see-saws between taking risks that expand his world and retreating into the safety of isolation, we see how the toxicity of his shame and the fragile flame of his feelings for Darian drive his actions.

Predictably, Ash torpedoes his fledgling relationship with Darian. The scene of repair and reconciliation is one of the loveliest I’ve read.

CW: mental illness, depression, anxiety, panic attacks on page and referenced, expressed desire not to exist, self harm and suicide attempt in the past, hospitalization in the past, drug and alcohol use, classism, mental health ableism experienced and unchallenged, lashing out.

I received this as an advance reader copy from Sourcebooks Casablanca and NetGalley. My opinions are my own, freely and honestly given.