Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman are renowned psychologists who specialize in what makes happy, healthy, long-lasting romantic relationships work. One of John Gottman’s claims to fame is to be able to determine, with 94% accuracy, which couples are headed for divorce on the strength of a five minute snippet of conversation.
I read Dr. Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work before I married my husband. Neither of our parents have marriages we wished to emulate, and research is my love language. The advice in that book has stood us in good stead, but after thirteen years, a bit of the shine has gone beneath child-rearing and work and the grind of familiarity.
Eight Dates is a breezy book that offers the equivalent of a marital tune-up to deepen that connection that you might have with your partner. The concept is straightforward: couples will go on eight dates together and with a prescribed topic for each date. Every chapter introduces a new topic, offering examples for context, then ending with a series of prompts to get the conversation going. They go in order, particularly the first date which lays the foundation for trust that you’ll need to proceed.
Nothing here is rocket science. In fact, some of it is incredibly cheesy. Yes, you’re going to have a frank conversation about your dreams with your partner. But the book challenges you to be vulnerable, honest, and engage with your partner as they do the same.
The couples described in each chapter range from engaged couples to those long-married, both heterosexual and same sex couples. The material here seems like it would be beneficial no matter how long you’ve been together. (And a couple of topics seem like the kind of thing that would be good to revisit on a regular basis.)
I received a complimentary copy of this book via NetGalley in order to facilitate this review.