Oh man. I really wanted to like this book, and I did like the first 1/4 or so. But then it just kept careening into stupider and stupider plot devices and the main character showed all the logic and self control of a baseball bat and I honestly barely finished it, even then it was just to hope against hope that it wouldn’t end the way it was so obviously going to… but no luck for me.
The book is told from the first person view of Erin, an incredibly spoiled and sheltered documentarian who is engaged to her banker fiance, Mark. I honestly can’t tell if Steadman doesn’t really want us to totally like Erin, but I really did not like her much from the word go. I didn’t hate her, she isn’t a bad person, not at first, but good god is she shallow and privileged and completely oblivious to those facts. Actually, in a lot of ways, this book could be an excellent parable on the nature of White Lady Privilege had it ended differently, but based on how things play out I really think the author wanted us to actually root for Erin, which made me want to throw the book at the wall when I got to the last page. I didn’t do that, though because I was reading it on my phone. Though, now that I think about it, maybe the ending actually does cement it as the White Lady Privilege Parable that I saw it to be.
I’m going to try to avoid major spoilers, but if you want to go in clean slate you should probably skip to the last paragraph now.
The story starts with Erin burying her husband in the woods. She then goes back to tell the story of “how she got here.” It’s a great jump off, and the first 1/4- 1/3 of the book was really enjoyable. We go back to when Erin and Mark get engaged and start planning their wedding. Then Mark loses his job. He starts to panic a bit, but Erin really doesn’t see the big deal, she’s sure everything will work out after their honeymoon. While on this honeymoon in Bora Bora, they find a bag that floated out of a plane crash. In the bag is a million American dollars cash, a bag of diamonds, a USB stick, a phone and a gun. Their financial problems could easily be solved with this bag, should they decide to keep it. The story follows their decisions on this and the consequences of those decisions.
Seriously, Erin is insufferable. She has the self control and forethought of a three-year-old, name and label drops constantly, never, ever stops to think about the morality of her actions or how they affect others, and honestly seems to think that, even though she has never actually had to struggle for anything, she has earned everything being handed to her on a plate. She unironically talks about “those prep school boys that tug at your heart,” and “trust me, I know my diamonds after picking out my perfect engagement ring.” Oh, and her mentor that is helping with her new documentary won a BAFTA. I know that because she tells us at least six times.
When her fiance loses his job it doesn’t even occur to her that maybe they should pair down their expensive, ritzy wedding and she gets upset when he shortens their six week stay in a five-star resort to three weeks. Granted, I agreed with her that he should have talked to her before making the change, but I also cannot see how she didn’t think that this was something to be considered herself. She puts her fate in the hands of a mob boss because she, “knows she can trust him.” She turns on the found cell phone in the hotel business center, broadcasting their location, then blithely tries to converse with the probably not-so-nice stranger on the other end of a text string. She tries to open the USB files because, direct quote, “I really want to know what’s on it.” No other reason, no thought as to whether that’s a good idea, no pause to consider the best way to do it. Seriously, I don’t think I have ever said, “Are you really that stupid?? You are, aren’t you,” out loud to a book this many times. And I literally did say that out loud, multiple times that and, “good god, Mark, get the fuck out. She can’t be that good in bed.” Even in public, like on the bus during my morning commute.
I understand normal people are not criminal masterminds, and I kind of think that’s where the author was trying to go with this; that these are mistakes someone would make if they weren’t actually a practiced criminal. I would totally get behind that if she made, like, HALF the mistakes she does. As it is, though, she is so stupid and impulsive about absolutely everything every step of the way I wondered if she had ever read any book or seen any movie or TV show about any kind of crime or caper or even set foot out into the normal adult world before. She really honestly goes through life assuming nothing bad will happen to her because she is Erin, and Erin is thin and pretty and went to boarding school and therefore a special person who doesn’t suffer actual consequences. Then it gets sorted out and summed up the way it does… and it was infuriating.
I will say, the one reason I gave this two stars rather than one star is because Steadman really can write well. I would love to read a book she wrote about someone who isn’t a complete asshole idiot. I like her language, and overall the pacing was good, if a little rushed to tie up the ends in the last two chapters. There were a few Red Herring subplots that sort of trickled off into nothing, but even those didn’t really bother me that much even if I could have lived without them. I just wanted a different ending and less infuriating people. That may sound contradictory, but it makes sense in my head. Long and short, I didn’t like this book, but I would totally give another book by the same author a shot, especially if it wasn’t promoted as a “thriller.”