I’m NOT Drinking That – Cannonball Read 17

So this is embarrassing. I can’t stop reading this book series. Every time Ann Charles puts one out, I’m like, “Ooooh! I like these books!” And so I buy them. But the truth is? I don’t think I actually like them…I just CAN’T stop reading them. It’s like that one time I ate an entire Blooming Onion by myself and I felt greasy, ashamed and most of all sick. I learned something that day at the Outback Steakhouse but apparently Ann Charles speaks to me with her siren’s song and I can’t resist her. But why? Like seriously, would you read a book with the line,

“He tasted like a tall drink of sex and smelled like long-legged, finger-licking male goodness”. NO, of course you wouldn’t (because you’re a good person with discerning tastes), apparently I would and seriously, my taste level could be scrutinized at every level. However,real talk here? I never want to take a tall drink of sex. That sounds like the opposite of fun and also the opposite of tasty.

So let me quickly summarize the book and review so that you don’t have to bother with this series. I’ll just keep reading them for you, because we both know I will. Violet Parker is a real estate agent who for many books now has had numerous supernatural run ins. For the entire series up until the last few pages of the fifth book we had no idea why. And even then, we still didn’t–we just got a name for what she was with no explanation. Now we know what an Executioner is, how it’s passed down in her family as well as what the job entails (vaguely). We also start to see Violet develop skills and powers that previously weren’t present. This is awesome for both her and for me because for the past five books she pretty much put herself down for the career aspect of her life (you’ll see a theme in a second). Her boyfriend can sense and channel ghosts and so it seems that they are a match made in paranormal heaven. And finally in this book, it seems that they are. Previously, we had to listen to Violet hem and haw over whether or not they were going to have a “real relationship” when all along they were definitely in a relationship. So that was nice. It was also nice to get a few answers to things that were previously unexplained. Unfortunately, these answers came late in the book and not without a ton of Violet’s baggage with it. I’m sick of hearing Violet talking about her body so negatively. I too, have had babies, I have stretch marks and “child-bearing hips” (which ironically were unable to bring forth any babies because my pelvis didn’t work right) and yeah, I don’t always feel that great about myself but I don’t tell people about it every few minutes. She tells us just about every ten pages that she doesn’t have a chest or that her hips are too big. Girl, I hear you but you’re in your 30’s, it’s time to start loving yourself (I’m not sure if I’m talking to Violet or myself right now).

So anyway, you don’t need to read this series. I think it’s funny at times, I am definitely interested in the supernatural aspect, I pretty much gag whenever the romance part of the book comes into play because it’s so saccharine (seriously Ann Charles? No one brings the kids into it when they’re talking dirty–example: “I love it when you play dirty, Boots. But I promised your son, and I won’t crack, not even for a night of debauchery with his incredibly sexy mother.”